My husband and mine’s pattern right now is working opposites. Over our three years off marriage, we’ve definitely gotten a lot better at dealing with opposite schedules. Just like our rules of marriage & friendship I posted awhile back, we have some “guidelines” or unestablished rules that we just kinda fell into that work for us. I figured I’d share them since they are on my mind!
Communicate to Split Household Chores – We have both ended up feeling like we are doing all the work. However, we’ve gotten through the drama and now communicate a lot. Even if its a “hey, do you mind?” Always expect the other person to say No. Maybe they have other things planned, but we also have gotten good at saying “Do you need me to do anything for you?” It shows you care. It shows you are thinking of the other person. Texting and our emails are great for this. We’ve even progressed so much that we do the “just so you know, I did __________” It’ works or us to tell each other what we did such as unloading the dishwasher or playing with the kittens. It also lets the other person know you don’t expect them to do all the work.
Don’t hang out with others unless your spouse is okay with it. No its not a matter of being whipped, it’s a matter off respect. Ask before you make plans, even if the other person is not going to be there. “Hey, do you mind if I go out with _____ to ______?” Let them know all the details. If they aren’t okay with it don’t go. It normally turns into “wish i could go, but have fun.” For example, I went out to dinner with a friend tonight and had an amazing time. Even though I made the initial plans with her months ago to go to dinner, I made sure he was okay with me going out tonight. AND I picked him up food. It’s always a nice thing when you go out for dinner without the spouse, pick something up for them to eat later or the next day for lunch. It a) shows you are thinking of them and b) brings the activity that you did not do with them closer to them.
Trust each other. You aren’t going to know what they are doing every minute of everyone second of every day. So trust them. Yes your mind may play some tricks on you (mine has!), but trust them. If you have any doubts, communicate and tell them what you are thinking.
Always Text each other when you get somewhere or are heading home. This is a big thing for us. We can both sleep through the text message noise on our phones, so we often send a “I love you, I’m on my way home” or “I love you. I made it to work safely.” whenever we get or are leaving work. It let’s the other person know if/when they wake up that you are already safe. One night before we were in the practice of this, I admit I freaked out. I woke up and it seemed super late (I read the clock wrong without my glasses), noticed I didn’t have a text and started to worry. “Was he in an accident? Did he take his motorcycle today? No, it was his car. Should I start to worry) as I thought he should have been hours ago. Turns out, he was just on his way home and everything was fine, but now that extra text we send each other helps us both. Even if it wakes us up, we don’t mind waking up to “I love you.”
Granted, those rules were written because we were both so frustrated that no one seemed to get our marriage or what works for us, this is just written as it’s on my mind. It seems to help with the loneliness. Yes you will be lonely, but as long as you remember that the opposite schedules won’t be forever, you will survive. Just those simple words “this will change eventually” even if you don’t know when work wonders.
Faith Trust and Pixie Dust 