it’s what you make it…

16 Feb

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up becuase if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”
Marilyn Monroe

Life isn’t always perfect.  I’ve known that since I was a small child.  Things don’t always work out.  I’ve always been a bit of an optimist.  However, I’ve always been a worrier too.  I was the child who didn’t play with their toys at time because I didn’t want to clean them up, I was cautiously optmistic.  If any of that thinking makes any sense.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot, and realizing who exactly I want to be in life.  Well, I’ve always known, but lately I’ve been getting some clarity, but then again I really do have nothing figured out.  However, I have some very basic wants and beliefs, and I’ve finally started living by them. It’s like I’ve slowly found myself.  I’ve always heard that’s what happens in your 20s.

I want a family. Not right now, but I do want children someday.  I need a house first, and a better paying job, however, I do want children.  I want to start a family with Ryan and see how we navigate things together.  However, before we do all that, I know we need a few more years of adventures of our own!

I don’t like to do things I am not happy doing. I’m not talking about going to the dentist or doctor, or cleaning or folding laundry. I am talking about my job.  I’ve always known I’m a very passionate person, and if I don’t like doing something, why bother doing it? I know that may sound lame, but as my job, life is too short to be doing something you are miserable with.  Sometimes you may have to be miserable for awhile to get to where you want to go, however, don’t stay miserable long term.  The world is full of opportunities and I will end up where I need to be. I believe in myself enough for that, I will get there.

The world is full of opportunity. Going along with my last point, I was the kid who was always curious, yet reserved and afraid to jump in.  However, life is what you make of it, and I am going to start jumping.  The most important thing to me is my family.  There is nothing else that matters more to me.

Being sad wastes too much time, however anger is a great motivator. When you are sad,  you often get plowed over.  You view things in a different light.  It can taint every way you look at things.  However, there are many steps to acceptance.  The first is normally sadness, well at least it was for me over the past few weeks.  However, anger is a much better motivator. I don’t just let myself get walked out, because I know I am amazing.

I know I am an amazing person.  I’m not the best person ever, but do you know what? I’m me, and that’s pretty damn good.

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