worrysome warrior…

3 Jul

I don’t know why but I have always been a worrier. I am always afraid that something bad is going to come ruin my happiness or that the worst will always happen.  Some are big, some are small, but some are in between. It doesn’t matter what it pertains to, and I understand some of the stuff I worry about is pretty ridiculous.  That’s why I think sometimes I would be a shrinks dream come true!  So here’s the list for this random worrying blog…

  • Time off for random events – I took time off to spend with my parents coming up.  However we got a random dinner part of Tables in Wonderland to eat inside the Great movie ride. Now I am BEYOND freaked out that I won’t get off in enough time to do this.  However, in all reality, I can swap days with someone if need be, or I can swap shifts if I’m not off by 7:30pm.  It’s just a fear that being new to an area I don’t know people well enough to know who will swap, who won’t, and it’s just a stupid stupid fear.  Hopefully it will all work out. As it is nonrefundable. I’m sure it will work out in some way.
  • The Ex Factor – I know that I am 100% happy in my marriage with my amazing husband. I feel he is 98% happy although he will tell me he is 100% happy and tell me I’m just being stupid, so I will just say that he is in it 100%.  However, we both have ex’s. I’m not worried about mine, I am worried about his. He was married and divorced.  Now granted, she left him, but at the end, he officially decided he was done with it, and I really get how they don’t belong together.  Even though she may miss him and realize she made a mistake (a HUGE mistake) by letting him go because I have the best husband.  I think she realized it a bit as on our wedding day, she facebook messaged both of us wishing us well, and telling me to take care of him.  That made me not like her. How dare you on my wedding day, remind me that you had him first? That’ shallow and petty and I wasn’t expecting it.  However, since then I have been cautious of her as I don’t put it past her trying to come back for him.  My husband shared with me how she occasionally wrote blogs about getting him back, and me dying.  Trust me honey, that will never happen.  He’s mine.  However, it’s just a fear and annoyance and maybe I don’t have enough confidence to just let it be and get over it.
  • Kittens – Kittens have their yearly checkup soon and it’s always a fear that something freak will be wrong with them. Now I know the likelihood of that is shallow and slim to none. However, it’s a fear. I suppose its my job as their mom to worry.  However, it’s a fear, and i will worry until after the appointment and they are all announced to be happy, healthy, one year old kittens!
  • Death – a fear everyone has, but I realized the other day, that I am no where near done yet with my adventure and I  pray it is not cut short. There are so many more things I want to experience, I want to do, I want to have much much more time with my husband, as he is a treasure that I am not giving up anytime soon.  I want to travel, I want to own a house, I want to live, I want to see in more detail where my husband grew up and about his history, I want to learn, I want to be, I want to go on so many adventures.  I guess since I have such a strong desire to live it won’t happen, but it’s still there.
  • The Friend Factor – I see all these people that have amazing close friends that they can go to for anything.  Yet, whenever I need to talk, I get stuck.  I don’t know who I can turn to. And that reason is all mine, I just push people away, or don’t accept their help, yet then I end up feeling so lonely.  So again I just have to remind myself from time to time, I am worth it.  People do care.  Sometimes, its just like I feel so alone.  Even though I know I am not.  I just need to get that thought in my head.

So there are just a few of the worry’s of a warrior.  Or at least that’s what sounded fun in my head to title this.

I was going to get up and clean but I have a Miss Oreo Cookie kitten sprawled out across my lap and is purring away, so lunch and cleaning will have to wait until after the kitten wakes up from her cat nap. Although, I am sure this is part of a rotation, and soon Butterscotch or Snickerdoodle will be here to cuddle also and nap.

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