You Can Let Go…

31 Mar

Let’s see how this goes.  I have been busy just working more. I picked up two shifts the last two weeks which won’t matter too much in the long range budget thing but every little bit helps, so that makes me happy. It wasn’t much to pick up the extra hours, and it will help us, as our future goal is a house so all is good.

However now that I’m sick I’ve decided to kick myself when I’m done. I have the inability to let things go. My amazing husband knows this. I’ve explained it to him, and maybe its a start of low self-esteem that I struggle with, and a lot of friends know this, but I just can’t simply explain it so maybe writing about it will help.

I randomly flash back to events that are so trivial, a broken glass bottle, a broken glass, when I should have said something I didn’t.  And I HATE it.  There are events that I remember since I was 5 of just stupid slightly embarrassing things that don’t matter.  Apparently I am only one of a few that suffer this.  Does anyone else? Because I need someone else who has this issue.

Last night closing, especially at like midnight when standing in a dark room, you get into random discussions. We randomly ended up discussing ex’s, and we ended up talking about mine.  Even with everything bad, a part of me still wishes we were friends.  Yes we ended things badly. Both of us did, we are both to blame for it going bad, but for someone who was in my life for so long, is it so bad that I would want at least a tiny bit of conversation? Not even friends, but acquaintances. It’s just something that slightly irritates me. I’ve reached out a few times, I’ve tried. Maybe I will try once more.  There’s really no reason for me to, because I have tried, but I can’t get over it for some stupid reason.   Why do certain things like that bug me? Yes I do feel bad for certain events, but with how happy I am now, I’m sorry it happened, but I found my happily ever after. Finding Happily Ever After isn’t always the easiest or best way of events and you have to hurt people as you go. That’s the downfall to real-life fairytales. You still end up hurting people as you go, but if your lucky you do find your Happily-Ever-After.

Over the past few weeks, I just get these random moments where I feel SO happy and SO thrilled to be where I am.  I feel SO special and I never want those moments to end or to be taken away from me before I’m done with them, but I know I will NEVER be done with them. I am so incredibly happy and so thrilled and so head over heels in love. Just little things make me smile, like how my husband gets to excited about little things that I do, and I’m perfect even with my body that could use some work, and he inspires me to do what I want. He will run half marathons with me without blinking and just be there to support me. He believes in me, and i believe in him. I am so lucky to have him. He deals with all my imperfections and loves me because of them.  Our first year of marriage was amazing. It was so simply. Sure there were a few disagreements along the way, but we just fit together so well, and that is simply amazing. I am thankful for that.

So I know I’m that happy, why can’t I let go of the little things? I guess I know the answer. If I did my life would be perfect, and no ones life is perfect.  Or perfect how you look at it.  And I don’t deserve perfection anymore than anyone else. I know my husband would disagree, and he is perfect, but as a whole no one’s life is 100% perfect. They all have little things that can cause the imperfections to make their life perfect.

So to whoever reads this, I have a few words of advice. Try to keep in touch with a few people that you feel are missing from your life.  You never know how you can make their day.  Try to do something extra nice to someone. Try to reach out because you never know how you can make something a tiny bit better.  And if you have any advice to help me get over things, I’m listening.

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3 Responses to “You Can Let Go…”

  1. Princess Christy March 31, 2010 at 8:02 pm #

    I also don’t let things go. The whole D thing…. is a big deal for me. Because I have always been the one trying to be acquaintances and what not…. sometimes you have to realize when someone is toxic for you. Just let it go and enjoy YOUR Happily 🙂

    • faithtrustnpixiedust March 31, 2010 at 8:29 pm #

      Thanks Christy. 🙂 I just don’t get it… and its drives me crazy! I understand it ended for a reason, but I still just can’t let stupid things go!

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  1. 2010 in review « Faith Trust and Pixie Dust - January 2, 2011

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