the doubt makes you human…

20 Feb

it’s amazing how some people just simply can’t get over things.  Things that happen years, months, days ago.  Even though I am one that sometimes has a hard time getting over things, I have a different problem.  Most people can’t forgive or feel so spiteful or hateful or don’t know the entire situation so they just stay mad.  What sense does that make? Me, I worry, and I just wish I could change some things.

I feel bad when I hurt people.  I think I have one of the most consciences ever on the face of this earth.  However, I also think people know that and sometimes take advantage of that.  I can be easy to read at times when I really wish I wasn’t.

I can’t be sorry for things I didn’t want to do.  It sucks that there are some things that I didn’t figure out sooner I didn’t want or find a way to stop from happening, but eventually I found out.  No, it’s not all about me.  I’m sorry if I’ve hurt some people along the way, but most things that are good for me are better for more than me also.  Few things in life just better yourself.  Maybe it feels like it at the time, but in the long run, things are better the way they turn out.  It may not be the way you wanted, but it happened for a reason.

It’s amazing how some people refuse to let you into their life because they just have a preconceived notion of you.   I really wonder how life will be years from now and if I will still be feeling bad for certain things or if I will just eventually not care.

I am trying to let go of some things that honestly don’t matter and I think a little day by day that things just honestly I can’t change.  People will think what they want.  People will do what they want.  People will spread rumors or lies if they want. I can’t change that.  I think I’m starting to realize that more and more.

I’m not a perfect person.  I never claim to be.  There are few things I claim to be, but there is so much doubt behind them.  Sometimes I wish I was that ignorant and didn’t have the doubt, but the doubt makes you human.  The doubt makes you realize that your not perfect and gives you some morals.

I guess the point of this is for me to realize I can’t change it.  I get that.  I’ve tried.  I have apologized for things in the past.  And I think that’s about all you can do.  So maybe this is a step.  Maybe it’s okay.  That’s a start and there’s some hope.


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